This morning I thought I had cancer of the mouth
but it turned out to be a popcorn kernel stuck on my tonsil.
I would like to thank my mother for a) listening to my frantic phone call; and b) knowing everything.
but it turned out to be a popcorn kernel stuck on my tonsil.
I would like to thank my mother for a) listening to my frantic phone call; and b) knowing everything.
- Describing a birthday party: “[It was full of] superficial, self-absorbed, foolish teenagers.”
- “It takes extra special people to understand me.”
- “We thought he was a freshman cuz he had a huge backpack.”
- “What a God damn stupid comment to make.”
- “Because I’m worth it!!!!”
- “I was excited…
I (unsuccesfully) cut my boyfriend’s hair on Saturday, and by the time he went to get it fixed by a professional, there was very little she could do to mask the damage. This picture closely resembles his new coif.
In sum, I’m dating a member of the Hitler Youth. But, it’s an upgrade from his previous silent-film-villain guise (I’m talking parted hair + a handlebar mustache). At least now there’s no fear that he’ll rub his hands together in malovent glee before strapping me to a railroad.
Hello New Year’s Eve dress! I can’t wait to play secret agent and roundhouse kick German and/or Russian bystanders at Cuvee’s 007 party.
but I still can’t stop thinking about that damn Twilight movie. Tween girls don’t stand a chance.
I literally texted my boyfriend that I wish his name was Edward. Good golly.
Our editorial department is divided into teams, and after 6 months, I finally realized why the team names sound familiar. They’re all Jean Claude Van Damme movies.
I’m on team Cyborg.
and boy is it a ton of fun.
And exhausting.
Not because I have anything against beef, but because it can take a while to chew and I simply do not have that kind of time.
sade:
“Groupon is an awesome way to find bargains…and men. Here’s how: the site sends people different deals based on their profiles. So if you create a Groupon account for a 28 year old male, you’ll get daily e-mails with the lowdown on all the fun, cheap, and (most important) guy-filled events…
Safe to say I sent a mass email at work with that first quote.
Do you ever have one of those moments where you’re working feverishly and then you stop and look at your computer screen but can’t remember why you google-imaged “bee suit” and more importantly why that page has been opened for the past hour or so?
