December 2011
4 posts
This morning I thought I had cancer of the mouth
but it turned out to be a popcorn kernel stuck on my tonsil.
I would like to thank my mother for a) listening to my frantic phone call; and b) knowing everything.
"That White Bitch": Some Quotes I Found In My High... →
thatwhitebitch:
Describing a birthday party: “[It was full of] superficial, self-absorbed, foolish teenagers.”
“It takes extra special people to understand me.”
“We thought he was a freshman cuz he had a huge backpack.”
“What a God damn stupid comment to make.”
“Because I’m worth it!!!!”
“I was excited…
November 2011
3 posts
I'm a 23 year-old "adult" with a job, an...
but I still can’t stop thinking about that damn Twilight movie. Tween girls don’t stand a chance.
I literally texted my boyfriend that I wish his name was Edward. Good golly.
Aha!
Our editorial department is divided into teams, and after 6 months, I finally realized why the team names sound familiar. They’re all Jean Claude Van Damme movies.
I’m on team Cyborg.
I have ascended to the role of Getaway (Travel)...
and boy is it a ton of fun.
And exhausting.
October 2011
2 posts
I often order chicken instead of beef.
mykicks:
Not because I have anything against beef, but because it can take a while to chew and I simply do not have that kind of time.
thewhitesade: A few choice excerpts from... →
sade:
“Groupon is an awesome way to find bargains…and men. Here’s how: the site sends people different deals based on their profiles. So if you create a Groupon account for a 28 year old male, you’ll get daily e-mails with the lowdown on all the fun, cheap, and (most important) guy-filled events…
Safe to say I sent a mass email at work with that first quote.
September 2011
1 post
Relationships
Tristan: If I die, I'm going to come back and haunt you a la Swayze in Ghost.
Me: Yay! Does that mean we're gonna make pottery this weekend?
Tristan: No, my incorporeal craft is needlepoint. You get poltergeist needlepoint, dummy.
August 2011
3 posts
Groupon Engagement with a Side of Captain Kirk →
July 2011
5 posts
I don't want to get all sappy and what not
but sometimes, like today for instance, I catch myself in this moment where I realize how much I really really enjoy writing. I write 30-40 deals per week, with at least 20-25 of those featuring restaurants. I mean, how many different ways can I describe pizza or a turkey sandwich? You would think I’d be pretty sick of it by now, but nope. Not in the slightest.
I’m just…I...
June 2011
13 posts
He Wins
Me: I have the best life. This is a fact.
Nick: I'm currently in Peoria taking inventory for the Illinois Department of Transportation by counting traffic cones. Wearing jeans and red chucks shooting the shit with the warehouse guy.
“This is a blatant reference to cannibalism…but I’m going to let it...”
– Wrote something about eating faces. BFD
Difference between the Gentlemen Working at...
Elevator chivalry. Every single time.
living-in-lakeview:
I am a planner. I get that it can be annoying to people. And I try to not be too uptight about it.
But texting me, “It means we don’t know yet… Just relax” is not the way to get me to try to be spontaneous. In fact, it just increases the chances that I will not be coming out at all tonight.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to know if I’m supposed to meet you out for...
Dating Tips from a Dating Dimwit
Don’t tell the person you’re seeing that you think he may be an idiot savant. You may mean it as a compliment, but he will likely not take it as one.
Have some down time at work
play some ping-pong
Drunk Kid yelling this at a Greektown bar (2AM)
overheardinchicago:
Wait, you’re Greek? I’m Russian! I’d like to thank you for giving us the Cyrillic Alphabet!
I have the best job in the world.
Just thought y’all should know how I feel.
: I forgot to talk about this thing that happened... →
thatwhitebitch:
I forgot to talk about this thing that happened yesterday.
Ted and I went to get lunch at the food court in the Merchandise Mart and it was packed because the interiors trade show NeoCon is in town. Every Tom, Dick, and Fuckface is here from all over the country clogging up the escalators and…
May 2011
7 posts
“I was at a party — I’d never met her — and she was like, ‘Come sit down.’ So I...”
– Zach Galifianakis, in a recent ShortList.com interview, recalling a chance encounter with actress January Jones wherein “she and I were very rude to each other.”
Weirdest celebrity beef ever.
More like FAVORITE celebrity beef ever. You tell that bitch.
[popwatch.]
(via thedailywhat)
My response to an email about the Usher concert...
“These are my confessions: I’m crapping with excitement right now.”
What little professionalism I had at this job has flown out the window.
After the longest application process of my life
I am officially the newest staff writer at Groupon. Hooray!
Anytime I have to write something (i.e. anytime I have to write a Groupon) I make the weirdest notes, that even I can’t understand. For example, I’m writing about an opera deal at the moment (sidenote: how great would it be to have a theater called “The Moment”—as in “I’m at the opera at The Moment at the moment.” Except I would never say that...
April 2011
10 posts
Work has been good to me lately
Cubs games on rooftops/suites
Bulls game this Wednesday in a box
Dining at Graham Elliot, Paris Club, Alinea, Sunda, Mercadito, etc.
Premiere of Hangover 2
Shoe shopping at Nordstroms
Jeans shopping at The Jean Bar
Make-up shopping at Benefit
Clothes shopping at Lulu Lemon
Usher concert
Jerry Seinfeld
Chelsea Handler
Bottle Service at…well, everywhere lately
Shots, shots, shots...
Good news! Oh my!
I’m nervous and anxious but mostly excited. I don’t want to say it out loud (errrr, write it down, I mean), but here’s a clue why:
http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2010/12/forget-journalism-school-and-enroll-in-groupon-academy/68257/
Also, I’m proud of myself, considering I have no actual writing experience.
Eating some food here tonight →
My co-workers and I won “Best Creative Interpretation” (i.e “Worst Overall, but Great Try”) for our rendition of “Like a Prayer” at Blue Frog. Apparently, the prize for this award is……USHER tickets! Hollaaaaa
Incoherency
Hooray! Everyone can do their own thing and make their own choices! Including looking down on people (i.e. me) who like spending money? Hmm, I guess so. But, be warned—do not dare call someone immature for not having direction in their life, for it will be interpreted as “I hate blue collar workers.” Afterall, saving money by not buying one sweater at J.Crew and instead buying...
“He looks really hood, so I don’t want you to be scared when you meet...”
– My roommate talking about her friend “T” who will be joining us for dinner tomorrow night. Interesting….
Rude
Last night I was at a bar and because I was in Wriglevyille with a bunch of other uncoordinated whities, they obviously played “Don’t Stop Believing” like 7 times so we could all just jump in place and yell at the top of our lungs. Long story short, everytime Steve Perry sang the line ”A smell of wine and cheap perfume” everyone in my party pointed at me and nodded.
...
This post will likely make Sylvia weep
I don’t “care for” my brother. We all know this. We get along better these days, but I wouldn’t consider us “friends” by any means.
However, when a friend of his ex-girlfriend posts some ridiculous bullshit about him being a snob or calling them dirty, etc., I felt this swelling rage inside of me. It took 100 percent of my control to not start some sort of...
March 2011
14 posts
List of professions I've been told not to date:
thatwhitebitch:
Architects - insane egomaniacs
Bros in comedy - they’re actually really sad people
Chefs - insane egomaniacs, never home
Doctors - never home
Farmers - gay
Finance men - cheaters
Guys without jobs - self-explanatory
Lawyers - duhhhhhh
NBA players - duhhhhh
Politicians - gay
Writers - FUCK NO
Yo, any statisticians wanna go bowling?
Done the bros in comedy track x2,...
Made a twitter
Please follow me because having 8 followers is killing my libido (?)
My username (is that even the right word? I’m like 100 years old) is kristydoukas. I know, I’m really clever.